Tag Archives: Family

Transitioning into Late Adulthood

At what point do you stop calling yourself “middle-aged”? For several years, I have used a blog title of “Random Middle-Aged Musings” bu after a hiatus of over a year, I decided to restart posting some of my writings and began to question the title. Now that I am past the 65-year mark, can I still refer to my thoughts as middle aged musings? If not, what do I call them? I don’t want to call them “old age grumblings” (though many may be just that). I started looking around to see what the current terminology was for my current stage of life. I am in that past 65, not quite retired, still active phase that some are now calling “late adulthood”. The more I read, the more I think this may be the way I refer to my status now. I don’t really like using “mature” since I think most people should mature well before 65. I also do not like using “senior” since in my heart and mind I don’t feel like I had imagined a “senior” would feel.  I guess if you looked at my medical records, though, senior might be close to the mark. 

One reference talked about adjusting to some of the key parts of late adulthood and included gaining wisdom, new routines, health focus, and social connections. I can see where this fits nicely. As most of us know, experience is a great teacher. Changing from a 30-plus year career is going to result in different daily and weekly routines. At some point with aging the focus changes, however subtly, from building strength and endurance to maintaining the ability to easily carry out daily activities. And maybe the most important is realizing that close friendships are a vital part of enjoyment in life. 

Shifting from a long career in primary care medicine took a leap of faith. With some health issues and remote grandchildren, my wife and I decided to move into a retirement phase, leaving our practice and setting up more time with the grandsons. In the process of transitioning into retirement, I was offered a consulting position that allowed me to continue with some of the things in my work that I found rewarding and not be tied to the requirements that are more stressful and prone to burnout.  I now have the opportunity to share my experiences with healthcare workers who are younger in their careers and provide optional mentoring that can be difficult in today’s work environment.  

While forcing a need to change daily routines I had the opportunity to move into more freedom in activity opportunities. I can now take leisurely walks in the middle of the day, go on hikes, play with the grandsons, and take chunks of time out of the day to pursue interests (such as museums, bird watching, or napping).  Having a schedule that is much more free lets me work with my personal timeframes which frequently involve early morning or late night messaging or writing. For the first time in many years, flexibility in my time has become a major asset. 

My favorite part of transitioning into late adulthood, though, is the growing of friendships and social connections. No longer do I feel any obligation to socialize for intention. My closest friends (who are mostly in the same phase of life) are becoming a bigger part of our weekly planning. While working full-time we would get together occasionally, sometimes once a month. Now, a week doesn’t go by that we have not had either intentional or spontaneous get-togethers (usually more than one). The friendships are growing, as they should.

As I continue this transition I see a foreshadowing that my work will become less and less a part of what I do and there will eventually become a void that I want to intentionally fill. Part of that, I think, will be writing down what goes through my mind. With that, I hope to loosely commit to writing more. Not on a schedule but just when the time is right. The sharing part is now not for others, but for myself. 

Lessons (Un)learned

Earlier this year, I was playing with my grandsons in their rock and dinosaur garden which sits behind our condo near their home. This play area is one my wife created for them so they can use their dump trucks, bulldozers, skid steers, and backhoes to pretend they are building things. In here they have rocks, sand, and rubber mulch areas that provide a safe space for them to use for constructive play.

As we were moving dirt and sand, the three-year-old decided he wanted to fill one of his trucks with the heavier rocks before moving it a few feet and dumping it. I could tell that as he lifted each individual rock, filling the truck to the top of the dumping bed, the weight of the truck was increasing and would soon be too heavy for him to move and dump. I suggested to him that he might want to stop filling and “drive” his truck to the dumping spot (3 feet away) and return for another load. He looked up at me and said “Poppy, I’ve got this”. He was busy having fun and did not want to take my advice. Even when it was becoming obvious that he would not be able to move a fully-loaded truck and continue playing. But in his playful mind, he was in control despite my warning of “If you do this, here is what will happen”.

How often do I have the same response to God’s instructions. How often do I ignore advice and even direct instruction. How often do I say (directly or indirectly) “Don’t worry, God. I’ve got this”? And then how often do I have to ask for help in carrying the load. The work would frequently be easier if I would listen, slow down, and follow His advice and instruction. I find myself focused on the task at hand and do not listen to experienced guidance or follow wise instruction.
It looks like I’m not any different from a three-year-old. I haven’t learned much, have I?

Brooksapalooza 2017

I never knew him. I only met her, years ago, after she had a disabling stroke. So I never really knew them personally. But I have come to know them through their legacy. Ray and Athleen Brooks must have been wonderful people. Through their close-knit six children and their extended families, I have come to see how faith, family, and loyalty can spread like a wildfire.

The origins of the family in the coal mining hills of West Virgina are well known and discussed among family members at regular family reunions. The youngest son is well versed in family and Huff Creek history. Any disputes can be quickly settled with a quick question followed by an authoritative response- a wonderful reference to have.

I, like several others now, married into the third generation that started with Ray and Athleen. We have all been accepted as if we are blood relatives and now we (affectionately known as the outlaws) are engrained with the family traditions. We have been given roles of photographers, cooks, organizers, and referees. We are part of the group.

This weekend, over fifty of us through three generations gathered for a time of fun, food, catching up, and just general reminiscing. Though we are now short one sibling through death and another through Alzheimer’s disease, their families were well represented. The companionship of cousins was fun to watch.

Though separated by distance from Chicago to New York to Miami to Virginia to Wisconsin to Indiana and back home to West Virgina, everyone seems to truly enjoy the company of family. I haven’t said it before, so I’ll say it now. Thank you, Ray and Athleen Brooks for giving us this family.