Uniformity with people who do not follow God is possible. Unity is not. That is, unless I choose to sacrifice truth and ignore wickedness. Being ‘unequally yoked’ not only involves relationships of intimacy (i.e. dating and marriage), but also relationships with friends and, maybe more importantly, business dealings. Seeing how King Jehoshaphat aligned himself with wicked King Ahab through marriage, politics, military, and business is an example to me of how I attempt to thwart God’s plan for me by not seeking His will in all areas of my life. I can never find what I am looking for in life outside the will of God. He loves me too much for my wandering plans to succeed.

I heard a sermon yesterday by Alistair Begg. In it, he closed with a discussion about being saved from the penalty of past sin, power of present sin, and presence of future sin. We have talked about this several times recently in Sunday School and Bible study classes. I wonder if he reads N.T. Wright, also.

I’m back at it. I worked all day Monday (granted, my early day, last patient at 4 pm) and also a full day Wednesday. Today, my late day, we’ll start at 10 and see patients until 6:30 – 7 pm. With Gena’s help, I’m able to open up more. Since I’ll be in a wheelchair/on crutches/using a walker until the end of May, I still can’t go to the hospital or start back doing procedures. I’m not used to having my partners take care of my inpatients or do my colonoscopies.
Several of my patients (most of them really) have been making fun of me. They give me a hard time, asking me if I need help climbing ladders, calling me ‘Gimp’ or ‘Crip’. One friend reminded me that when he had a torn ACL, I told him, “Don’t worry. It’ll be alright.” He told me anytime I needed something, I could call him and he would remind me not to worry…it’ll be alright.
Someone asked while watching me propel my wheelchair through the office what it felt like to be old. I realized that I am facing 50 (3 months away) and used to think that 50 was ancient. My Dad had his bypass surgery at 42. I find myself glancing at obituary notices and if someone I don’t know was over 50, I tend to think “People in their 50’s die. That’s not a big deal.”  When I see someone in their 40’s I think, “That’s odd. People that young shouldn’t die”. Those of you around the century mark know what I mean.
But when did I get old? Last fall, I was in the best shape of my life. My weight was stable (180). My cholesterol and blood pressure looked great (with the help of cholesterol medications). Fall break, I even ran more than 10 miles when the temperature was 90 degrees. Professionally, I was at my peak. My family life was great (well, I have teenagers, but that’s another story). Spiritually, emotionally, financially, socially…everything was going well. And then I got old.
I know, I know. My situation is temporary and soon I’ll be outside exercising, working around the house (but not on ladders), back at the same pace at work. My setback is trivial compared to many, but I want to use it as a reminder (especially to myself) that we have no promises of tomorrow. I want to be reminded every day that my time, my money, my family, my job, my home, my gifts, my talents, and even my life do not belong to me. I want to be reminded every day that my life belongs to Him. It’s not about what I want to do. It’s not about where I want to go. It’s not about what I think I should do with my life. It’s about what He wants, where He wants me to go, and what His plans are for me. My temporary disability is nothing when compared to the suffering of the cross. Where should I go today? I hope my answer will be “Wherever He wants me to go”.
By the way, I got old on February 2, 2010.

I had a friend today tell me they had enjoyed reading my blogs recently. Gena told them that I don’t blog since I came off the Percocet last week, so I thought I should at least try to prove her wrong. Also, Gena told her to keep in mind that most of the blogs were written under the influence of pain meds or anesthesia and I should not be held accountable for everything posted. Well…. some of that may be true. But, here is an update.
I went back to work a few hours at a time last week. I have been increasing the amount of time at work every day. However, I have found that my fatigue increases significantly after 4-5 hours. About 6 hours into the day, I can barely function. I think part of that is due to the extra effort required for doing the most basic things. It takes me 10 minutes to change from sweats (my only option in clothing until the splint comes off) into pajamas. It takes 5-7 minutes to brush my teeth. It takes a long, long time to get to the bathroom and return. I’m using muscles I didn’t know I had.
I went for my check up this week and had all of my staples and sutures removed. Gena said she was glad she didn’t try to take them out because I probably would have yelled at her. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but not even in the top 10 bad moments of the month. My ankle and leg are too swollen to put in a boot yet. It may be a couple of weeks yet.
I don’t have anything philosophical tonight. I just wanted to post an update of my boring life and say again that I am blessed to be alive and surrounded by a wonderful family and great friends. I appreciate you all very much.

The last time I was confined for more than a day or so (GI bug, kidney stone, migraine) was 1978. I had mono my senior year of high-school (which was the las year we had this many continuous days with snow on the ground. I was at home, in bed or on the couch while all my friends were sledding for weeks. I missed all the fun, but had to stay indoors. I don’t remember going stir crazy but would be surprised if my mother told me I didn’t. I don’t like being in one place. I don’t like not being able to get up and change rooms, go to a different part of the house, or simply go find a book I want. I want mobility and I want it now! I am impatient and do not like relying on others.
Having said that, I may get my wish tomorrow. Having been off pain meds for 24 hours, I will attempt to go to the office tomorrow to see patients for a few hours. I will be set up in my office with Gena starting out with patients and bringing them to me. I think we have a system that will work, but it makes me rely almost totally on others to help me with everything but the patient management. I will have to learn to be patient. I will also have to learn that my stamina has been effected. I will wear out quickly and require even more rest.
If I don’t go back to work, someone around here will go crazy. Probably me.

Monday morning has brought another snow storm (with another snow day for the kids). It also brought another day for me at home, trying to be patient while my leg heals. Another day with Gena at the office, trying to manage patients, while I sit here trying to get comfortable. I think if I could be involved in therapy, actively participating in the process, I would feel better. But since I can’t start therapy for another 11-12 weeks, I feel kind of useless.
Hopefully, I will be able to go in to the office to see patients for a few hours on Wednesday. If I am able to do without my pain meds long enough to go in & manage their care, I will try to start back for a few hours a day. I can already tell that minimal activity leads to rapid fatigue. I know I wasn’t in the best of shape, but when all of this happened, I was exercising several days a week. What would my energy level be had I not been exercising?
Patience is a difficult thing for me to grasp. I want to be patient, but I want it now! I pray for patience, energy, wisdom, and assistance with the frustration of having to relearn how to do everything.

I should probably take my time rehabilitating my leg to do something useful instead of just sit around and be randomly lazy. It would be a good opportunity to really get into the winter Olympics. I could watch all the interviews, learn the names of all the stars, know the courses and events well. I could become an Olympic junkie. That would be pretty cool.
But there are at least two problems with that. First, I’m not a huge fan of winter sports. Skiing, sledding, skating, curling, hockey….they don’t excite me. Maybe it’s because I grew up in Tennessee where we don’t see much snow. Maybe it’s just something for which I never acquired. the taste.
The second problem is more personal. I’m sitting here with plates and more screws than I can count in my leg causing a stabbing pain every time I twist in a new direction. When someone slips on the ice while skating, or falls while skiing, or does an “agony of defeat” thing while jumping…my leg HURTS. Those moments make me cringe. I definitely have sympathy pains.
Maybe I’ll read something productive. Maybe I’ll let the euphoria of pain medications keep me random. Maybe I’ll be lazy. Maybe I’ll take a nap.

I am an addict.My wife told me this morning that I am addicted to the internet. I know I am addicted to caffeine. looked up the definition of addiction and found it to be a state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. Wow! 
What else would qualify as an addiction? I can think of several addictions, both physical and psychological. Caffeine. Control. Knowledge. Organization. I cannot function without my morning caffeine. In fact I get a headache if I am late with my morning dose. I like (no, demand) control. I need to have order and some idea of where all situations are leading. I like knowledge. The more information you have, the more control you have when situations change. I like to be organized. I like knowing where my papers, e-mails. phone messages, and everything else is. A place for everything and everything in its place.
This week, every one of my addictions has been challenged. My caffeine addiction was challenged when I couldn’t eat or drink before surgery. A headache was the result of my withdrawal. Now I have to call for help with even the smallest activities. I have given up control of when the laundry is done, or when the phone is answered, or when I can eat. I am becoming anxious because I cannot control my situation. I do not know how my recovery will go. I can’t set my schedule, plan my exact time of return, or start back at my usual pace. I can’t control my schedule. I need something from my desk (in my downstairs office) and I rely on the kids to bring it to me if they can find it. ARRGGHH!
I can see why God wants us to have no addictions other than Him. He wants us to rely on Him completely. He is in control. He has a timeline. He knows what is best for us. When we let things enter our lives that require our dependence on them rather than on Him, he sometimes needs to show us what withdrawal is like. I think my withdrawal from caffeine, control, knowledge, and organization will be far less painful than withdrawal from God. Lord, please remove my addictions and make me totally dependent on You.

It’s been over a week now. Some of you may be bored with my posts, but I promise that the focus will change with time. I started this blog as an opportunity to share my insights as I prepared and studied for Sunday School classes and small groups. This meant that almost anything I read or any encounter I had was fair game.
Last week, though, I had a life-changing experience. I know, it could have been much worse. Many of you have had experiences that changed your lives as much or more than mine has. I realize every day how blessed I am to have the opportunities I have. And every word I type is underscored with the knowledge and faith that I am held in the hands of a loving God who has a plan for me. He is in control and I praise Him for who He is.
The biggest change I have had is in going from someone who can do everything for himself (even though Gena is not supposed to know this) to someone who can do almost NOTHING for himself. The smallest thing now requires my dependence on someone else. I have to call (or text) the kids to come to my room to help me put on  a sock, or put in a movie, or change the thermostat. I can do these things, but the effort expends so much energy that I am unable to do much else.
Other things I miss doing: showering, driving, fixing my own meals and snacks, looking out the window when I hear kids sledding down the hill, letting the dog out, answering the doorbell… believe it or not, I am keeping a list.
The greatest part of this though is being brought back to the realization that I am not in charge. God has a plan. He is teaching me lessons (even though they are not the lessons on MY schedule). He is developing traits and characteristics in me that I have not focused on before. I will be patient, I will be faithful, and I will praise Him for who He is. My life, my possessions, my time, my talents…. they all belong to Him anyway. He can use them as He pleases.